Now the Lord God said, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.” Genesis 2:18 Amplified
From our previous blogs, we have discovered our purpose in being created, first, as Mature Sons for our Father to love and enjoy fellowship with, second, for our Lord Jesus Christ as His Bride and part of His family, and third, as a Holy Habitation for the Holy Spirit to live through and fulfill all the plans and desires for our Father. We were created to get all of our spiritual and most deepest intimate needs from them. But, our Lord also created us to love and enjoy each other! It was our Father’s joy and delight for us to have an intimate relationship with another human being in whom we can journey through life with and celebrate all our Father has in store for each of us. We are never to be jealous or critical of each other’s gifts, talents or strengths because we are the Father’s handiwork for His joy and pleasure!
THE GIFT OF COMPANIONSHIP
We have been appointed by our Father to accompany each other on our earthly journey to fulfill our Father’s purposes and desires in the earth. As companions, we are friends, intimate heart-friends, partners, and a person who gets to KNOW THE REAL YOU! To be a great companion, we must learn to know and understand each other’s natural needs and desires. One book I found very helpful in my marriage and in helping other couples to understand the natural needs of each other is “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman. The book focuses on how our Father created us differently to experience love from each other. Love is communicated to each one in an array of ways. He focused on five. Some of us need to be touched, affirmed (appreciated), have quality time with each other, serving each other, and giving gifts to each other. When we don’t experience those needs met from each other, we can feel unloved, rejected, or ignored, therefore, we build up walls to protect us from each other.
Because we are ONE with the Trinity, our Lord lives through us to meet each other’s natural and emotional needs, unconditionally.
Can you identify your two most dominant love languages and your spouse’s or companion?
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you” is important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
- Encouraging Words – Words that inspire
- Kind Words – Words that express appreciation, thoughtfulness
- Humble Words – Words that don’t make demands like parent/child
- Examples: Love letters, cards, I Love You, You did a Great Job!, I appreciate you…Talk about their Strengths…How well they look…Write a poem
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your spouse feels truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
- Togetherness – Having focused attention on the other spouse
- Quality Conversation – Share your thoughts, feelings, experiences without interruptions…listen, listen, listen
- Quality Activities – Activities that interest one or both of you
- Examples: Take a Walk Together…Go out to Breakfast or Lunch Together…Ask Spouse of 5 Activities they would like to do with You…Share Events of the Day…Plan a Weekend Getaway
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
- Gifts and Money – Buy spouse little or big sentimental gifts that say “I was thinking of you today.”
- Gift of Self/Gift of My Presence – Being there with them when it counts, physical presence in time of a crisis.
- Examples: Buy Flowers or their Favorite Candies, Books, Magazines, Create a Card or something with your hands…Offer the Gift of Your Presence Where ever they would like… Purchase a Plant, Tee Shirt etc.
ACTS OF SERVICE
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an Acts of Service person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
- It is what You Do that Really Matters – Love serves by performing practical acts.
- What Can I Do to Help You – Is always the focus of this Love Language.
- Examples: Offer to Help with Chores, Help with Children…Ask Spouse to Make a List of 10 Things Needed to be Done in Next Month…Give Your Time to Help Your Spouse on Projects.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
- The Body is for Touching – To withdraw from me is to distance yourself from me emotionally…proximity is very important.
- Crisis and Physical Touch – When your spouse or companion is going through a crisis; hug or hold them.
- Examples: Holding Hands, Back Rubs, Massages, Give Kisses, Rub their Brows or Hair, or Head… Sit Close by and Calm them with a Gentle Touch.
We were created to enjoy our Father, Lord Jesus, and Holy Spirit but they also created us to… Enjoy Life and Enjoy Each Other!