You may have read this email I posted on my Facebook page last week, however, many of you didn’t. Therefore, I felt the need to post it again.


Dear Tresca,

I got your email address from a friend of mine who encouraged me to write to you to ask for advice. I know you are going away to a women’s retreat this weekend and many of my sisters in Christ will be there; please ask for their advice as well. I know you’d prefer that I come to the office in person but I am traveling at this time on business and was alone and very sad tonight and thought an email would help relieve my pain. I have found that by writing my thoughts and feelings always help. Thank you so much for your kindness to even consider reading this email and your response is greatly appreciated.

You see, I have been married for 13 years. We have two beautiful children and I am so blessed by them, but, I have become very lonely. I sometimes feel as if I am only there to meet my wife’s needs and not mine. I am not complaining because my needs are not being met. I do not ask for much, just someone to talk to, to laugh with, to listen to my heart, thoughts, and ideas. That’s what I want. I know, I am just in her life for her satisfaction.

  • She only talks to me when she wants something.
  • When she is in distress, I come to her aid.
  • When she is not happy she comes and cries on my shoulder.
  • When she is angry, she vents to me and takes it out on me.
  • When she asks for solutions to her problems, I offer them, then does what she wants to do.
  • When she wants me to take care of the children, I do so with gladness.
  • When she is sick, I take care of her. I stop my activities including work to care for her.
  • When she wants to be with her family or friends, she never asks me whether I want to go or not.
  • When I asked her how was her day to connect with her? She says “fine,” that’s it.
  • When I reach out to hold her and want to spend time with her, she ignores me.
  • When I awakened her to be with me in the quietness of the early morning to talk to me, she pushes me away and says “Go back to sleep! We can talk in the morning!” But she never does.
  • When I say let’s pray together or read the Word together she says “I am too exhausted” then she does things with the children faithfully, watch her favorite movies on television, or go to the movies. I go with her, just to be near her, even though I do not enjoy the movies she watches.
  • When she is lonely, anxious, or bored, she goes shopping and buys things she does not need or food she knows is not good for her, only to comfort her. She does not listen to my wisdom or guidance, so I stopped offering it to her.
  • When I want to go out for dinner or lunch to be alone without the kids, she responds, “I am too busy at work or I have this thing to do or that thing to do.” I am always on the ‘back burner.’
  • When I put my arms around her, she moves away or chooses to do things with the children instead of with me.

Yes, I have tried talking to her. I have stopped her to tell her that I am so sad and that I miss her. I have sent emails, text messages, before we go to bed at night, or when we wake up in the morning. I have stopped her to say, “My love, I miss you and I do not like feeling this distance between us, can we talk?” It is always the same thing, “No, not tonight, I am too tired or no response at all.” Tresca, I love her so much. I choose to love her no matter how she treats me. I will never stop loving her, but as her best friend and husband, how do I reconnect with her and share the love that is ours to enjoy?

A Lonely Friend and Husband,



Jesus is the lover of our souls. Our souls, whether in a male body or in a female body, Jesus died to be with us, to have intimacy with us, to spend time with us, and to enjoy life together with us. But, we ignore His call or His reaching out to us. Jesus is not a ‘religion’ He is a person! He is never impressed with our church attendance, activities, tithes, giving, or sacrifices. What He desires most, is… INTIMACY WITH THE ONE HE CREATED…HIS BELOVEDS.


The book of Joel 2:13 paraphrase states “I want your heart, not your garments (outward activities or external things).” LOVE ME WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART, SOUL, AND MIND.”


Prayer: Jesus, I know you said, that You will never leave me nor forsake me, I am so sorry that I so often do that to you. Draw me Jesus to your heart and create a hunger in my heart for you so I will not ever be tempted to put you on the ‘back burner’ of my life ever again. AMEN.


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