GRACE WHISPERS

The Invisible Wall

 

Grace Whispers Chapter 4: Who can we trust when the surrounding adults use and abuse us? (Our Father said) Keep searching, and you will find all adults aren’t alike, and there will be many you will trust and find safety and security.

 

In my new book “My Return Home to Innocence” (on Amazon.com) Chapter 4 title, “Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing – The Boyfriends and The Babysitters.” This chapter depicts my encounters with adults my mother entrusted me with whom used their authority, given by my mother to care for my sister and me, took advantage of our immaturity, our innocence, and our weaknesses to manipulate and exploit us for their pleasure. Many of us believe we can trust our family members, friends, and people in our lives to protect and keep our children safe, right? Statistics show that 1 out of 3 children are exploited and abused by someone they knew. So, how can a parent protect their children from danger? And is it possible to keep them safe from danger 24 hours a day and seven days a week? No, is correct. No matter how much a parent does to protect their children, danger lurks in this fallen and dark world to hurt and destroy God’s most precious children. But, there is one who can take care of our children 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and even IF they encounter painful experiences in their lives, He can heal and restore their broken lives… the ONLY ONE who can, is our Lord Jesus Christ.

 

I grew up with my arms and heart opened wide, welcoming everyone close because I needed love and acceptance. Because of my needs and innocence, I invited several wrong people into my heart and life who hurt me over and over again. When you are desperate for affection and attention, you take whatever kind of love served to you. Some people use a different strategy, they shut people out and keep them at bay and build walls so people would have to climb over them to get to their hearts; they never do.  These people have shallow and surface relationships. They speak to you in public but they always find an excuse not to allow you to get too close. You may fit in either one of these categories or maybe a little of both. But, trusting people is the real issue.

 

After years of encountering people who hurt or abused me, I built an Invisible Wall of Protection. I am sure you have too… it is natural to do so.

 

 

The wall I built protected me from being hurt by others but it also kept the hurt of their pain inside me; my hurts still bound me. My wall kept me from opening my heart to new people and new relationships. I was stuck! I read an article which you may find helpful; it is called Four Truths Why Women Put up Emotional Walls. Below is an excerpt from the article:

 

1. To manage what happens next. But this sense of control is a myth. Because in reality, things play out like they’re going to and you have far less power over other people than you imagine (or you’d like). There’s a sense of If I ___, then she will ___ that’s also a myth. You just can’t predict or control other people’s behavior.

 

2. It’s an easy defense mechanism (flesh pattern). If I cut you out of my life or deem our relationship not “real,” you can’t hurt me. Approaching relationships like this means that you miss out on being vulnerable and abandoned to love. It’s actually not that easy, is it? People are intricately connected and blocking off one relationship usually affects another. And the pain factor is high on all accounts.

 

3. When you put up walls today, you’re acting as the person you once were. And the reality is that person doesn’t exist anymore. So your old mechanisms (flesh patterns) are protecting someone who doesn’t exist and the today you don’t need someone else’s armor. (And this new person in your life isn’t the one who hurt you. What worked then won’t serve you now.)

 

4. Emotional walls come from a legitimate place. The reaction to hurt — physical, emotional, or mental — can shut you down and shut others out. This is an exhausting, entrenched habit and reaction, and one that takes hard, uncomfortable work to undo and then even harder, uncomfortable work to learn new ways. And this hard, uncomfortable work, can only be done by you (with the Grace of the Lord).

 

Invisible Walls of Protection are emotionally taxing and stressful! It is a game we play but we are always the losers! Everyone around us, especially our loved ones suffer at our expense of being closed, overly sensitive, protected, and guarded. Yes, we have been hurt, used, abused, betrayed, or taken advantage of. But, we must learn to trust and forgive others over and over again if we are to live in peace and harmony with ourselves and then with others.

 

 

 

Jesus Christ our Lord teaches us to TRUST Him and others through one experience at a time. This word TRUST means, to feel safe, feel protected, find rest, and to be at ease. How many of us have found people in our lives who fit those descriptions? We are human beings and all of us come short in at least one of those areas. Only Jesus Christ can meet our needs 100% of the time. So, to remove our Invisible Wall of Protection, we must forgive others and grant them grace to not have to meet our every need. Then, let go of unhealthy relationships overwhelming us. We must allow Christ to heal our pain so we can be reconciled and be restored again to each other.

 

 I have… how about you? My arms are opened wide again, but they are not just mine, they are HIS!