LETTING GO OF OUR CAREER IDENTITY (Part 1 Involuntarily)
LETTING GO OF OUR CAREER IDENTITY
(Part 1 Involuntarily)
“Letting Go means to entrust into the hands of the Lord, to surrender control of, to relinquish power over, and to trust the Lord with.” Only in Letting Go will our minds, emotions, wills, find rest and cease to struggle.
A father and mother eagle were excited to have their first eaglet. They were aware of the time and sacrifice it would take to nurture that little egg and bring it to maturity. Day after day they both took turns sitting on the little egg, but it was the mother who spent the majority of the time caring for, watching over, and guarding her nest, while the father went in search for food. After 35 days, the day finally arrived and a new adventure would begin. The next phase would be more arduous than the first. Every waking moment the mother spent hours feeding her little eaglet. Sometimes she sacrificed her own meals to ensure that her little eaglet grew big and strong. Then the day came when it was time to say goodbye and let go of the joy of her life.
The little eaglet outgrew its nest and didn’t need the attentive care of its parents as it once did. It learned to fly from its parents and wanted the freedom to expand its wings and soar into the heavens. It happened, the eaglet, now an eagle, took flight and left its parents behind. It discovered its destiny and a new life began.
But what about the mother and father who had given their time, resources, livelihood, and sacrificed all they had for their little eaglet who left the nest? They were sad because their identity changed from being parents to being…. for a moment, they weren’t sure of who they were anymore.
This brings me to today’s blog. Over the past few weeks, we have said Goodbye or Let Go of the things we loved the most; our past, relationships, children, and dreams. Today’s blog will focus on letting go of our career identity, whether involuntarily or voluntarily (transitioning through retirement or a new phase of life).
Firstly, losing our career identity involuntarily is when we lose our careers because we got laid off, got fired, retired (not because we chose to), or because of some physical or mental limitation; it is when we had no control over the circumstances. These events are devastating! Like the father and mother eagles, we had given our time, talents, and sacrificed our whole lives to a certain job or career. Many of us spent hours studying, obtaining degrees, and countless hours away from our family to ensure the eaglet was well taken care of. In the end, the eaglet doesn’t fly away as a natural progression of life (retirement) but is snatched away from us and given to another father or mother to take care of, or it dies. This is a very painful experience and what takes over us is grief for our loss!
Grief is described as “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss, feelings of regret. To suffer disappointment, misfortune or trouble.”
The feelings of grief are heart-wrenching, and when it opens its arms to help us, many of us run and hide instead of welcoming the process. We don’t want to face the pain nor do we want to talk about the pain of loss, instead, we hide, cover up with other activities or move on to the next job so we don’t have to think about it or deal with it; some even end their lives. Unfortunately, running or hiding from the pain doesn’t heal the pain of loss we may feel; going through the process of grief most certainly will. I would like to help you through the process by sharing one of my own experiences with grief.
Two years ago, I lost my career identity. When asked the question we all ask each other, “What do you do?” My answer was, “I am executive director and a psycho-therapist of a Christian counseling and training agency.” Then I continue my speech to the next question, “What does the agency do?” “We provide therapy, career counseling, and pastoral counseling services; also we host groups, retreats, seminars, conferences, and teach people their TRUE Identity In Christ.” Our Father had equipped me naturally through graduate training and spiritually through our relationship together to fulfill His purposes. For years, He prepared me for owning my own counseling center. He placed the dream in my heart in 2001 and nurtured it over the years until the time came to implement His dream. He prepared the team also, through years of mentoring and spiritual guidance through our Lord. It was an amazing place! The three of us saw people healed emotionally, spiritually, and souls saved and led into the kingdom of the Lord. We provided over 8800 appointments in the five-year span we were opened. And just thinking of all our Father accomplished, I stand in awe of Him! But one day, in 2012, I was having stroke-like symptoms and was admitted to the hospital. I was diagnosed with two brain aneurysms and brain atrophy in the cognitive portion of my brain. I began to decline mentally. By 2015, I sensed the end was coming and tried desperately to prepare my team and our fellowship group (we pastored) for the end. I thought I was dying, literally, because I was losing control of life and myself. One day while sitting at my desk in September 2015, the Lord said to me, “It is finished.” I thought I was finished running the business. In 2014, I started working part-time and limiting my time in the office while giving more of my duties to my team members. During 2015, my Father sent a sister in Christ (a counselor) to guide me through the grieving process. I was losing Tresca as I knew her and my career identity. It was time to say goodbye to all I was and had become as Father was transitioning me from the Old me to the New me. He wanted to close the business… He said His Fullness Ministries/HFM Counseling Center had fulfilled the purpose He had chosen for it. During that time of tremendous grief and loss, my sweet sister whispered these words, “The Lord said, He is not through with you yet!” It felt like it, it all appeared to be so; everything was dying around me; I lost everything I had labored over and loved. Death to my soul had a grip on me and choking me! It felt like THE END. If you don’t know our Lord, then you would believe the last chapter of my book was written, close the book “It is finished.” But, No! The end of those chapters was over, but NEW ones await… Here we are!
Involuntary loss stinks! I know, I experienced it, but I opened the door of my heart to grief when it came knocking, then Jesus, my Papa, and I allowed grief to have its perfect work within me until they brought me to the other side of Acceptance. For me, understanding the stages of grief was helpful. Here are the stages of grief first noted by Kubler Ross, a psychiatrist studying the grief process. We must allow ourselves to experience these stages in order to be whole again.
THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF (Simplified)
- Denial or Shock: “This can’t be happening to me.” “This is a mistake!”
- Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?” “After all, I have done!”
- Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return, I will ____.” “Maybe if,” “If only.”
- Depression: “I am not good enough.” “Nobody understands me.” “I am such a failure.”
- Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.” “Father, you are working in this for my good and for your purposes.” “I am ready to move on.”
We may return to these stages over and over again in our mind and emotions until we are ready with our Lord to Let Go and say Goodbye to our old career identity. As you are going through the process journal your thoughts and feelings. When you are ready to move on, then Let Go, give your fears, anger, anxieties, regrets, failures, etc. to the Lord until Acceptance clothes your mind and emotions… then you will find peace and rest.
REMEMBER: OUR CAREER IDENTITY IS NEVER OUR TRUE IDENTITY… OUR TRUE IDENTITY IS CHRIST LIVING HIS LIFE THROUGH US… NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCE OR WHAT CAREER WE HAVE OR DON’T HAVE.
Prayer: Thank you, Papa, every day of my life has been written in your book. You know each chapter of my life and all my days are numbered. It is You, who has the power to open one door and close another. May I keep my eyes focused on You, the One who LIVES WITHIN ME TO GUIDE ME THROUGH EVERY DOOR. Greater than that, it is You who wrote each page of my life for your glory and purposes. AMEN